Those of you who know me well know that I have a very contrary nature. That basically means, I don't like to be told what to do.Well, the joke's on me here in India because guess how they show each other "affection"?...
By telling each other what to do. Seem strange? It certainly did to me. I'll do my best to describe how it's been explained to me:
Politeness creates distance between two people, therefore you are only polite to strangers. Using words like 'please' and 'thank you' are considered polite words reserved for strangers and acquaintances. Therefore, rather than ask, "Will you get me a glass of water, please?" they say, "Get me a glass of water." This phrasing as a demand rather than a request is considered affectionate and only done with loved ones.
I understand that politeness creates a certain distance, so I was scratching my head for awhile about why my family tends to always use please and thank you without the distance-thing happening, or was I mistaken and we just weren't as close as these Indian families? And then I realized. The fact that we ask each other at all is the indication of our close relationship. Otherwise we would never ask. And since we are asking for a favor we take the time to show appreciation.
I am still getting used to this particular brand of affection. Any Indian friend I have confided to about this has immediately laughed. This is apparently something that is not going to change. It has definitely been difficult for me on occasion, especially first thing in the morning when I'm usually grumpy to begin with. I have to swallow my pride and irritation a good 5-6 times within the first 10 minutes of waking up, and counting the grumpy factor, 5-6 is roughly equivalent to 50 times. And that's only within the first 10 minutes. After that I may be showered with 'affection' the rest of the day. It usually gets easier to feel loved as the day progresses, at least.
By telling each other what to do. Seem strange? It certainly did to me. I'll do my best to describe how it's been explained to me:
Politeness creates distance between two people, therefore you are only polite to strangers. Using words like 'please' and 'thank you' are considered polite words reserved for strangers and acquaintances. Therefore, rather than ask, "Will you get me a glass of water, please?" they say, "Get me a glass of water." This phrasing as a demand rather than a request is considered affectionate and only done with loved ones.
I understand that politeness creates a certain distance, so I was scratching my head for awhile about why my family tends to always use please and thank you without the distance-thing happening, or was I mistaken and we just weren't as close as these Indian families? And then I realized. The fact that we ask each other at all is the indication of our close relationship. Otherwise we would never ask. And since we are asking for a favor we take the time to show appreciation.
I am still getting used to this particular brand of affection. Any Indian friend I have confided to about this has immediately laughed. This is apparently something that is not going to change. It has definitely been difficult for me on occasion, especially first thing in the morning when I'm usually grumpy to begin with. I have to swallow my pride and irritation a good 5-6 times within the first 10 minutes of waking up, and counting the grumpy factor, 5-6 is roughly equivalent to 50 times. And that's only within the first 10 minutes. After that I may be showered with 'affection' the rest of the day. It usually gets easier to feel loved as the day progresses, at least.
Oh man. Oh man! I would be piiiissed all the time! Has living abroad changed any of deepal's mannerisms on that front? You are so good!!
ReplyDeleteDeepal is actually very good about it and generally always asks instead of tells.
ReplyDeleteYay!!!
DeleteBlog a bit more then!! :) ;)
ReplyDeleteOmg, no wonder my parents lovZ you, YOU'RE LIKE ME! (well either you'll go insane in 2 yrs or Deepal will be 6 ft under, lol)
ReplyDelete