It has been a very busy week, including marathon shopping and cleaning. Yesterday I spent the whole day cleaning down-house, and other than the personal satisfaction of doing it myself, there's not much to show for it. Down-house needs the most thorough cleaning you can imagine, including all the random things like light switches, walls, window sills, etc. The most frustrating part is not cleaning everything, but rather, that it won't come clean. The dirt stains have become a permanent part of the decor now. And even more frustrating is that a few hours after dusting and wiping down all the shelves, they feel dusty and gritty again. Or maybe they never stopped feeling that way, and I just thought they were clean. Deepal assures me that it will get better once we're really living down there. Maybe it will or maybe I'll just get used to it. There's definitely a different standard of clean here. Of course, I'm coming from my mother's house which she keeps clean enough to be called sterile, so jumping from there to here is quite the change. And everything here is much older, so it's lost the advantage of youth. We have recently bought a brand new refrigerator and air conditioners and they are beautifully clean. .. for now. I am re-thinking all my previous decorating ideas. Now I want as little as possible in the way of decoration and furniture because I think it would just frustrate me to see it all get dirty and old looking or it would be exhausting to keep it clean. I appreciate now the job it is for Ma to keep up-house clean and how necessary a maid is.
Saturday, June 16, 2012
Monday, June 11, 2012
"Clean the fridge" means I love you
Those of you who know me well know that I have a very contrary nature. That basically means, I don't like to be told what to do.Well, the joke's on me here in India because guess how they show each other "affection"?...
By telling each other what to do. Seem strange? It certainly did to me. I'll do my best to describe how it's been explained to me:
Politeness creates distance between two people, therefore you are only polite to strangers. Using words like 'please' and 'thank you' are considered polite words reserved for strangers and acquaintances. Therefore, rather than ask, "Will you get me a glass of water, please?" they say, "Get me a glass of water." This phrasing as a demand rather than a request is considered affectionate and only done with loved ones.
I understand that politeness creates a certain distance, so I was scratching my head for awhile about why my family tends to always use please and thank you without the distance-thing happening, or was I mistaken and we just weren't as close as these Indian families? And then I realized. The fact that we ask each other at all is the indication of our close relationship. Otherwise we would never ask. And since we are asking for a favor we take the time to show appreciation.
I am still getting used to this particular brand of affection. Any Indian friend I have confided to about this has immediately laughed. This is apparently something that is not going to change. It has definitely been difficult for me on occasion, especially first thing in the morning when I'm usually grumpy to begin with. I have to swallow my pride and irritation a good 5-6 times within the first 10 minutes of waking up, and counting the grumpy factor, 5-6 is roughly equivalent to 50 times. And that's only within the first 10 minutes. After that I may be showered with 'affection' the rest of the day. It usually gets easier to feel loved as the day progresses, at least.
By telling each other what to do. Seem strange? It certainly did to me. I'll do my best to describe how it's been explained to me:
Politeness creates distance between two people, therefore you are only polite to strangers. Using words like 'please' and 'thank you' are considered polite words reserved for strangers and acquaintances. Therefore, rather than ask, "Will you get me a glass of water, please?" they say, "Get me a glass of water." This phrasing as a demand rather than a request is considered affectionate and only done with loved ones.
I understand that politeness creates a certain distance, so I was scratching my head for awhile about why my family tends to always use please and thank you without the distance-thing happening, or was I mistaken and we just weren't as close as these Indian families? And then I realized. The fact that we ask each other at all is the indication of our close relationship. Otherwise we would never ask. And since we are asking for a favor we take the time to show appreciation.
I am still getting used to this particular brand of affection. Any Indian friend I have confided to about this has immediately laughed. This is apparently something that is not going to change. It has definitely been difficult for me on occasion, especially first thing in the morning when I'm usually grumpy to begin with. I have to swallow my pride and irritation a good 5-6 times within the first 10 minutes of waking up, and counting the grumpy factor, 5-6 is roughly equivalent to 50 times. And that's only within the first 10 minutes. After that I may be showered with 'affection' the rest of the day. It usually gets easier to feel loved as the day progresses, at least.
Friday, June 8, 2012
Too many to count
There are sooooo many little things that make India different. They are not really big enough to dedicate a whole post to, but together I thought they might make interesting reading. There's really too many to count, but here are some of the little differences that have stuck out to me: (in no particular order. And I have to make the disclaimer that my experience does not equal all of India or even Mumbai. )
1. Almost all of the plates and cups are made of steel. There are a handful of glasses and Corell plates. They also store all their dry food in steel canisters that line the wall.
2. The silverware holder contains almost exclusively spoons. I think I've seen one small fork in there, and there's not a butter knife to be seen.
3. They use A LOT of little bowls. Every meal includes a little bowl of something, usually lentils. Sometimes you'll have two or three little bowls on your plate. These bowls are much smaller than anything I have ever used in the States.
4. They chop their vegetables really small. And they almost always do it with a paring knife. I think I'm the only one who consistently pulls out the big chopping knife and a cutting board.
5. They cook in aluminum pots and bowls that have no handles. The aluminum also heats up really fast and gets very hot. Much faster and hotter than anything I've cooked in before. I have burned myself more times than I remember already. They have one removable handle that they use to attach to the pots and move them when they need to. It's a clampy thing that took me awhile to get used to.
6. Ma and Pa sleep on the floor in the living room. Each night we make their bed for them, using a rug and a comforter with a sheet on top as a base, and then they each have a blanket to cover up with.
7. The pillows here are hard. There's no fluff or squish to them. Its a bit like sleeping with a paperback book with no hard edges.
8. The garbage can is kept outside the house because it's so hot that it would start smelling inside. There is not a single garbage can inside, anywhere. We save every little plastic bag to use as a temporary trash for the kitchen when there is food scraps to throw away. And very quickly it is taken outside to the garbage.
9. Every piece of furniture can serve as storage. The couch opens, the stools open, the bed has drawers underneath, the ceilings are tall so cabinets are placed along the top of the room. You have to use a stool to reach these upper cabinets.
10. It's so dusty here that it is imperative to sweep and mop the floors at least once a day, twice is better.
11. The bottom of everyone's feet is always dirty because people are also barefoot, or wearing sandals which don't really protect your feet from the dust and dirt.
12. Everyone walks in the street whether there's a sidewalk or not. Probably because most sidewalks are full with people selling things or with garbage. (Before I came I would actually get annoyed at Deepal for walking in the street in Bali or the States. I couldn't understand why he kept doing it without thinking. Now I know why.)
13. The lines painted on the road to designate lanes are a suggestion only.
14. Clay pots are kept in the houses to keep water that has been filtered cool. All the water has to go through a filter. Ours is one we have to fill by hand.
15. There is a maid who comes twice a day to sweep, mop, do laundry, and wash dishes. Sometimes other odd chores as well, like washing the walls.
16. The screen door here is a metal grate that locks with a pad lock, so you can keep the door open and let the breeze through.
17. Brushing your teeth before you eat anything in the morning is imperative so you don't eat the bacteria that has grown in your mouth overnight. Brushing at night is optional.
18. My shower here is a bucket of water and a cup that I use to pour the water over my head. This is because the third floor doesn't have enough water pressure for the shower to work well. It is not typical.
19. There is no shower stall or bathtub or anything to separate the shower area. The water falls directly on the bathroom floor, past the toilet, and down a little drain. If you shower after the maid has already come you should push the water towards the drain so the floor will dry faster.
20. The proper way to greet and say goodbye to an aunt or uncle (someone related to you and older) is to touch their feet and then put your hand to your heart. They are supposed to bless you in that time.
21. The bindis (the red dots or jewelry on the woman's brow) are optional and mainly used as a fashion accessory as opposed to a statement that the woman is married. Rather, a black bead and gold necklace means the woman is married. And this is also worn optionally.
22. Arguing is something of a pastime here. It is not considered the same as fighting. I'm not sure yet what fighting really is because I tend to think most of their arguments are fights. But not so, I'm told. Telling someone you disagree with them and then arguing about it is as natural as breathing here. This is actually a pretty big cultural difference for me because I tend to avoid conflict at all costs. Perhaps that will change here.
23. Repetition is the best way to get your point across. There is a strong tendency to say the same thing over and over again, occasionally in slightly different ways. ;) This can play a large role in the arguments.
Ok, the list could go on and on, so that's probably enough for now.
1. Almost all of the plates and cups are made of steel. There are a handful of glasses and Corell plates. They also store all their dry food in steel canisters that line the wall.
2. The silverware holder contains almost exclusively spoons. I think I've seen one small fork in there, and there's not a butter knife to be seen.
3. They use A LOT of little bowls. Every meal includes a little bowl of something, usually lentils. Sometimes you'll have two or three little bowls on your plate. These bowls are much smaller than anything I have ever used in the States.
4. They chop their vegetables really small. And they almost always do it with a paring knife. I think I'm the only one who consistently pulls out the big chopping knife and a cutting board.
5. They cook in aluminum pots and bowls that have no handles. The aluminum also heats up really fast and gets very hot. Much faster and hotter than anything I've cooked in before. I have burned myself more times than I remember already. They have one removable handle that they use to attach to the pots and move them when they need to. It's a clampy thing that took me awhile to get used to.
6. Ma and Pa sleep on the floor in the living room. Each night we make their bed for them, using a rug and a comforter with a sheet on top as a base, and then they each have a blanket to cover up with.
7. The pillows here are hard. There's no fluff or squish to them. Its a bit like sleeping with a paperback book with no hard edges.
8. The garbage can is kept outside the house because it's so hot that it would start smelling inside. There is not a single garbage can inside, anywhere. We save every little plastic bag to use as a temporary trash for the kitchen when there is food scraps to throw away. And very quickly it is taken outside to the garbage.
9. Every piece of furniture can serve as storage. The couch opens, the stools open, the bed has drawers underneath, the ceilings are tall so cabinets are placed along the top of the room. You have to use a stool to reach these upper cabinets.
10. It's so dusty here that it is imperative to sweep and mop the floors at least once a day, twice is better.
11. The bottom of everyone's feet is always dirty because people are also barefoot, or wearing sandals which don't really protect your feet from the dust and dirt.
12. Everyone walks in the street whether there's a sidewalk or not. Probably because most sidewalks are full with people selling things or with garbage. (Before I came I would actually get annoyed at Deepal for walking in the street in Bali or the States. I couldn't understand why he kept doing it without thinking. Now I know why.)
13. The lines painted on the road to designate lanes are a suggestion only.
14. Clay pots are kept in the houses to keep water that has been filtered cool. All the water has to go through a filter. Ours is one we have to fill by hand.
15. There is a maid who comes twice a day to sweep, mop, do laundry, and wash dishes. Sometimes other odd chores as well, like washing the walls.
16. The screen door here is a metal grate that locks with a pad lock, so you can keep the door open and let the breeze through.
17. Brushing your teeth before you eat anything in the morning is imperative so you don't eat the bacteria that has grown in your mouth overnight. Brushing at night is optional.
18. My shower here is a bucket of water and a cup that I use to pour the water over my head. This is because the third floor doesn't have enough water pressure for the shower to work well. It is not typical.
19. There is no shower stall or bathtub or anything to separate the shower area. The water falls directly on the bathroom floor, past the toilet, and down a little drain. If you shower after the maid has already come you should push the water towards the drain so the floor will dry faster.
20. The proper way to greet and say goodbye to an aunt or uncle (someone related to you and older) is to touch their feet and then put your hand to your heart. They are supposed to bless you in that time.
21. The bindis (the red dots or jewelry on the woman's brow) are optional and mainly used as a fashion accessory as opposed to a statement that the woman is married. Rather, a black bead and gold necklace means the woman is married. And this is also worn optionally.
22. Arguing is something of a pastime here. It is not considered the same as fighting. I'm not sure yet what fighting really is because I tend to think most of their arguments are fights. But not so, I'm told. Telling someone you disagree with them and then arguing about it is as natural as breathing here. This is actually a pretty big cultural difference for me because I tend to avoid conflict at all costs. Perhaps that will change here.
23. Repetition is the best way to get your point across. There is a strong tendency to say the same thing over and over again, occasionally in slightly different ways. ;) This can play a large role in the arguments.
Ok, the list could go on and on, so that's probably enough for now.
Thursday, June 7, 2012
Monsoon Has Arrived
Well, the first rain happened yesterday. There was a small drizzle earlier in the week, but apparently that one didn't really count. Yesterday it rained for the first time. And when it did everyone poured outside. All the children came out to play in the rain, even adults came out to get wet, and Deepal insisted I join him on the rooftop. I wasn't very enthusiastic about getting my freshly cleaned and dry clothes wet, but apparently this event was far more significant than some clothes. Deepal had missed the monsoon season for the last seven years because he was traveling abroad, so his joy at being home in the first rain was immense. ..and contagious. :) The birds seemed as excited as the people that it was raining. From the rooftop we could see everywhere the crows and other birds sitting at the very tops of the trees ruffling and shaking their feathers. Many of them looked like they'd grown mohawks. And on an adjacent rooftop was a mother who had brought her small son up to the roof to dance with him in the rain. She had him on her hip and was twirling with him in circles, laughing.
It only rained for about 15-20 minutes and then it stopped. Seems like the monsoons are similar to the rainy season of Bali for those of you who have been there. By that I mean, the rain comes and goes. This morning it rained pretty hard for about half an hour. No thunderstorms or really heavy rains yet. Ma says now is when it will get really hot because the hard rains will release more heat from the earth and everything will be very muggy. I guess we'll see. The weather forecast for next week looks abysmal with temperatures in the 100s. For now though, the rain has helped cool things off.
It only rained for about 15-20 minutes and then it stopped. Seems like the monsoons are similar to the rainy season of Bali for those of you who have been there. By that I mean, the rain comes and goes. This morning it rained pretty hard for about half an hour. No thunderstorms or really heavy rains yet. Ma says now is when it will get really hot because the hard rains will release more heat from the earth and everything will be very muggy. I guess we'll see. The weather forecast for next week looks abysmal with temperatures in the 100s. For now though, the rain has helped cool things off.
Monday, June 4, 2012
Limp and Sweaty
It's hot. We are a day or two away from the monsoons starting. The pressure is really low, the humidity is really high, and there's no breeze. I feel gross about 20 minutes after I shower, thanks to the fans that help keep the sweat at bay. I have a high gross tolerance, though. Some of you would feel gross as soon as you start toweling dry. I finally looked at the weather today because I wanted to know what the temperature actually is. It's 93 F with 66% humidity, so it feels like 106 F. I was not surprised in the least to see that it feels like 106. Rather, I was reassured that I wasn't crazy for feeling like a limp. sweaty, lump of useless flesh. Motivation to do anything useful completely alludes me when it's this hot. I didn't imagine myself looking forward to the rain for three months, but now I can understand why people look forward to it. With the weather right before hand, it makes sense to wish for any kind of relief. Except Ma dashed my hopes for immediate relief from the heat by telling me how in the beginning the rains just release a bunch of steam from the earth and it becomes even hotter and muggier, something that my mind is incapable of imagining right now.
Sunday, June 3, 2012
A Progressive Husband
I must admit that there is a part of the traditional family get-togethers that can get under my skin... the gender roles. In day to day life, Deepal's family does not seem to follow any stereotypical gender roles, but get everyone together for something like the wedding invitation ceremony and there are clear gender roles. Namely, all the women tend to congregate in the kitchen to prepare the food. The men arrive, sit in the living room, and never move from there. The men sit on couches and chairs, the women sit on the floor. And especially as a new Indian wife, people are watching me to see how well I
fit in and 'perform' as an Indian wife. Deepal, however, is very aware of how this grates on me, and he is actually very supportive and helpful. There is a small duty that is mine as the youngest and newest daughter, which is to bring all new arriving guests a glass of water, this includes men and women alike. I'm also expected to help clear away the glasses, serve the food, and generally be helpful in the kitchen and whatnot. It's my contrary nature that makes this grate on me. I would do it much more naturally if it weren't expected of me because I'm woman. And, right now, I'm the least helpful person in the kitchen. Even serving water can be confusing: am I supposed to wait and take the glass when they finish? Do they re-use their glass and keep it? Ok, I'm supposed to take it away. Should I wash it right away because we'll need to use it again later, or do we wait til the end of the evening? I washed immediately because it didn't seem like we had very many glasses, but then Ma said I should have waited. Through all of this, Deepal actually helped me serve the water and collect glasses. He was the only male to come into the kitchen and help out. The other men even teased him for helping out, but he didn't care. His willingness to break the stereotypes for me really made me feel loved and cared for. And I was much more willing to play the role of Indian housewife.
Saturday, June 2, 2012
Wedding Invitation Ceremony
Riddle me this.. how do you get over a hundred invitations addressed and sealed?
Answer: Invite all the family over for dinner, make up a ceremony in the moment to bless the invitations, and then have everybody seal and address them before they leave.
What? Wasn't the answer obvious? ;) Here are some pictures from the recent Wedding Invitation Ceremony we had at the house. This was my second family ceremony I have experienced. The first was Deepal and my engagement ceremony. In both cases there is a high degree of somewhat-organized chaos. There's a lot of discussion and argument about what to do and how to do it and when to do it and who does what.
These are pictures of the cousins hanging out and talking while the aunts and uncles talk in the living room. We are still waiting for everyone to arrive. This is Gaurav, Anu, Hema, (all brother and sisters) and Deepal and I.
Renu Kaki (Aunt Renu) is mixing the red stuff to make tikkas (the red dots on foreheads) and to use on the envelopes for the blessing:
Pa is using the red stuff to draw a symbol on one of the envelopes.
Then he will sprinkle water and rice on it:
No one really explained to me why we tied red thread around our wrists except to say that it was a special sacred thread used for those who are married or getting married. Everyone had the thread tied on their wrist even those who weren't engaged, so I guess the intention to get married anytime in the future was also valid for wearing it. ;) Here Anu is tying the thread around Pa's wrist:
No ceremony is complete without everyone getting tikkas:
Here the aunts are singing out of their Jain prayer book:
Then after a few ceremonial addresses written, everyone grabs a red pen and starts addressing the invitations:
Ok, I'm going to try to upload a video for the first time. This video is the ceremony at probably it's most organized moment. The woman are praying/singing, while also sometimes gesturing and telling the men what to do:
Answer: Invite all the family over for dinner, make up a ceremony in the moment to bless the invitations, and then have everybody seal and address them before they leave.
What? Wasn't the answer obvious? ;) Here are some pictures from the recent Wedding Invitation Ceremony we had at the house. This was my second family ceremony I have experienced. The first was Deepal and my engagement ceremony. In both cases there is a high degree of somewhat-organized chaos. There's a lot of discussion and argument about what to do and how to do it and when to do it and who does what.
These are pictures of the cousins hanging out and talking while the aunts and uncles talk in the living room. We are still waiting for everyone to arrive. This is Gaurav, Anu, Hema, (all brother and sisters) and Deepal and I.
Renu Kaki (Aunt Renu) is mixing the red stuff to make tikkas (the red dots on foreheads) and to use on the envelopes for the blessing:
Pa is using the red stuff to draw a symbol on one of the envelopes.
Then he will sprinkle water and rice on it:
No one really explained to me why we tied red thread around our wrists except to say that it was a special sacred thread used for those who are married or getting married. Everyone had the thread tied on their wrist even those who weren't engaged, so I guess the intention to get married anytime in the future was also valid for wearing it. ;) Here Anu is tying the thread around Pa's wrist:
No ceremony is complete without everyone getting tikkas:
Here the aunts are singing out of their Jain prayer book:
Then after a few ceremonial addresses written, everyone grabs a red pen and starts addressing the invitations:
Ok, I'm going to try to upload a video for the first time. This video is the ceremony at probably it's most organized moment. The woman are praying/singing, while also sometimes gesturing and telling the men what to do:
Big Little Events
Every morning Ma makes rotis and/or chapatis for lunch and dinner. The difference between rotis and chapatis has been a mystery for me because they seem pretty much the same to me, but now I finally understand the difference. Apparently the rotis are cooked directly on the flame of the stove while the chapatis are cooked on a flat pan with oil. Rotis are softer but they should be eaten fresh, and chapatis will last a day or two. Otherwsie, they're the same.
So this morning I told Ma that I would make Deepal's Chapati. She seemed to think that would be too difficult for me. But she allowed me to try rolling it out. And then it was novel enough for her to call the maid, Cavita, over to see me do it. Cavita once saw me making oatmeal for Deepal and thought it was funny. So she saw me rolling out Deepal's chapati and immediately left to get my camera. This apparently was a significant event. So here's the picture they took of me rolling out Deepal's chapati:
And here's a picture of Deepal's chapati already cooked lying on the pan:
His chapatis are like a whole wheat equivalent... except they're not made of wheat, so they look different from a normal chapati. They are thicker and more brown, rather than yellow. Here it is next to a regular chapati:
So as you can see, they look a lot like a tortilla. But the taste is different. And for funnsies, here is a picture of my lunch today. It is a typical lunch of 2 chapatis, a bowl of dahl (lentils) and a vegetable on the side. Today's vegetable is potato and parvar (pointed gourd).
Here's a pointed gourd: (Lots and lots of different gourds over here. This gourd is fun because it has seeds that pop in your mouth when you eat it.)
So this morning I told Ma that I would make Deepal's Chapati. She seemed to think that would be too difficult for me. But she allowed me to try rolling it out. And then it was novel enough for her to call the maid, Cavita, over to see me do it. Cavita once saw me making oatmeal for Deepal and thought it was funny. So she saw me rolling out Deepal's chapati and immediately left to get my camera. This apparently was a significant event. So here's the picture they took of me rolling out Deepal's chapati:
And here's a picture of Deepal's chapati already cooked lying on the pan:
His chapatis are like a whole wheat equivalent... except they're not made of wheat, so they look different from a normal chapati. They are thicker and more brown, rather than yellow. Here it is next to a regular chapati:
So as you can see, they look a lot like a tortilla. But the taste is different. And for funnsies, here is a picture of my lunch today. It is a typical lunch of 2 chapatis, a bowl of dahl (lentils) and a vegetable on the side. Today's vegetable is potato and parvar (pointed gourd).
Here's a pointed gourd: (Lots and lots of different gourds over here. This gourd is fun because it has seeds that pop in your mouth when you eat it.)
Friday, June 1, 2012
Chicken Lollipop...a very apt name afterall.
Well, here it is. I had to order a Chicken Lollipop just to see what it is. It appears to be like a drumstick.. except not. They seem to roll chicken pieces together on the tip of a bone to form a drumstick-like.. thing. But it remains unclear what parts of the chicken they actually use to make them. It seems like a very economical way to ensure everybody gets a drumstick. ;) Either way, it tasted good. A little too spicy. I'm still getting used to what seems to be the requisite amount of chili they *must* use in every dish because otherwise it "won't get the taste."
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