The didn't actually have chairs set up for my family at first. It was something I said wayyyy back when they first started planning that should happen, but when we went to sit down nary a chair was in sight. So, we waited while they found chairs for my family to sit in. No way my mother could've handled sitting on the floor in a saree for an hour. Hehe.. her legs stick up like little chicken wings when she tries to sit cross-legged.
P.S. Cross-legged seems to be the most appropriate way to sit. As I have been admonished by Deepal's grandmother more than once for sitting any other way on the floor. ;)
The ceremony begins with the priest saying prayers and Deepal and I offering things into the offering plate. It seems that 90% of the prayers the priests say no one else knows. Or even what comes next in the offerings.
Sometimes Deepal might be the only one who does this physical offering, and I touch his arm, and in this way it is believed that we are both doing the offering. This is quite typical. Offerings are not very personal. Anyone can come along and offer it along with you. Of course, not necessarily in the wedding ceremony, but other ceremonies.
The fire is a central part of the wedding ceremony. I thought it sounded very exotic and cool that we would have a fire and offer things into it and walk around it. But the main thing about the fire actually ended up being that it gave off a lot of smoke.. right into our eyes. Our eyes started watering immediately and it became difficult to keep them open. I'm really glad the photographer took pictures of Deepal and I before the wedding ceremony because after the smoke from the fire my eyes were red and small for the rest of the day.
Here is Dipti tying Deepal's scarf to a scarf they draped on me. So now we are symbolically tied together. And we must stay tied together for the rest of the ceremony, all the picture taking afterwards, and then sometime afterwards until Dipti untied us in the hotel room where Deepal's parents were staying as part of a mysterious decorated pot ceremony from the morning pooja that I still don't understand.
p.s. A note on the picture taking... after the ceremony everyone comes up to congratulate the groom and bride and take a picture with them. This process is made twice as long because of the need to allow the videographer to film everyone standing together before the photographer takes the picture. sigh.
The next three pictures are another symbolic action of uniting us. The priest covers our palms in turmeric, they put a coin and a nut in my palm, and then Deepal and I hold hands, and our hands are covered in yellow fabric and tied together. And they stay that way till we finish walking around the fire:
Next come the rounds around the fire. For the first 6 rounds I lead Deepal around the fire:
Walking around the fire is a fun time for all the family. They get to throw flower petals on us... And whole flowers... and the stems... and aim for our faces.. and especially our mouths... ;)
Deepal gets it much worse than I do. Hence his face was mostly in a permanent squint:
My family caught on quickly (and enthusiastically) that the fun was in aiming for our faces:
Just a note that walking around that fire was tricky. We had about 6 inches of space behind the priest to the edge of the platform. And then walking on the cushions gave ample opportunity for tripping, not to mention, do you see the long hem of my saree? Yes, I definitely stepped on it most of the way around...
After the first six rounds we sat down again to speak our vows. Deepal's family anticipated that it was going to be a fun time getting me to speak them so they actually provided a microphone for the occasion, something that is never done typically.
And what kind of vows did I have to say? Well, Deepal translated them into English in the moment and they went something like this: I promise to care for my husband's parents. I promise to keep my husband's secrets. I promise not to cheat on my husband. I promise to obey my husband. Hehe, the last Deepal softened for me at the time because he knew it would offend my feminist sensibilities. So I ended up promising something to the effect of: I promise to listen to you when you are making correct decisions. Hehe.
Deepal also had to speak vows to me, which were different from mine. He promised not to cheat on me, not to get involved in gambling, or prostitution, not to tell my secrets, not to prevent me from practicing my religion, and.. that's all I remember.
After the vows, Deepal led me around the fire once. And boy did the family let him have it.. hehehe.
Here Deepal is putting the Mangan Sutra around my neck. It's a necklace that socially all Indians recognize as meaning that you are now married. It's the equivalent of a marriage ring. Except nowadays married woman wear it when they feel like it and may just as easily go without it.
Another symbol of a married woman is a red line in her hairline. Here Deepal is putting one on me with Dipti's help.
Hehe, and here Deepal tries valiantly to get the toe rings on my toes without hurting me.. It must have taken a good 6 -7 minutes to get those on. They were a little small for my toes.
After the ceremony, Deepal and I go and touch the feet of all the family that is older than us, starting with our parents. It a way of asking for and receiving blessings. And it is something that socially we must do whenever we greet or say farewell to any older family member (uncles and aunts and grandparents).
My mom presenting me with gifts of jewelry. Traditionally in very large weddings they would have a table displaying all the gifts being given to the bride. It would be full of jewelry and clothes mostly, but might have large gifts for the house like a television or things for the kitchen as well.
Hehe, even Jean and Mike got their feet touched:
Yes, yes, the wedding saree looks very pretty. But I have to say, it is not comfortable. First, the saree is lifted and pinned to your hair so that it stays on your head. A woman having her head covered seems to be a traditional religious custom in every religion. So, it's not so bad at first. Then they place a heavy wreath of flowers around your neck which pulls on the saree and draws your head backwards. Then they take another scarf because one head covering is not enough ;) and tie it on tightly with a string. The string has a "crown" on it. You can see it sticking up on the side of my head. Then, not in this picture, but later, they will place a scarf around the other scarf and tie it to the scarf Deepal wears. All this translates into a lot of weight that is pulling your head backwards. Woo! Then have some smoke in your eyes for half an hour and trip your way around a fire with people throwing flowers in your face. ;) And hey! You're married! :)
Part of the wedding ceremony is a funny tradition where the sister/family of the bride steal the shoes of the groom during the ceremony. The bride's family has to steal and hide the shoes while the groom's family does everything possible to prevent them being stolen and/or steal them back. They were too nice to my family though, so they didn't try very hard to stop my sister. They didn't realize how feisty she is. ;) The shoe stealing happens to prevent the groom from leaving with the bride without the groom having to pay to get his shoes back. So here is a picture of my sister and Deepal coming to an agreement on how much he has to pay for his shoes. I believe the total was something like 2000 rupees ($40). In some very fancy weddings they can pay up to any amount, even 10,000 or 20,000 rupees ($200-400). For most of the wedding, my brother had the shoes hidden in the back of his pants. hehe.. At some point it became too uncomfortable, though, and they hid them in their hotel room.
You look beautiful! And the pictures are amazing :)
ReplyDeleteI really really like the promise to "listen to you when you are making correct decisions," that's great :) Love hearing about all this!