Ah, India.. always an adventure..

      The main reason Deepal and I have rented the apartment we have is to be close to his parents. They live on the third floor and we live on the ground floor. For most of the year the ground floor apartment is a nice option mainly because it is very noticeably cooler than the upstairs apartment. It also has a small backyard garden, and overall  for two people it is a nice amount of space.

      There is, however, an inherent risk to any ground floor apartment in Mumbai... and it comes with the monsoon season. Yes, I am referring to the risk of flooding. When we got through the wedding in June during the monsoon season we counted ourselves lucky, and maybe even out of danger. June would have been the worst time because my whole family was staying in our apartment: my mom, sister, brother, and dear friends Bob and Joy. But we made it through June and July, the two worst months. Then along came September. 

       The duo of doom that leads to flooding in Mumbai is hours of heavy rains coinciding with high tide. At high tide the city closes all the drains because if they didn't the sea water would come in. But if it's raining and the drains are closed... Well, the results are in the pictures below: 

Here are a couple of pictures of our living room covered in 3 inches of water.

And this is the front entryway/kitchen area with Deepal's sandals floating happily along in the current created by the water pouring through the front door: 

It only took about 15-20 minutes for the whole house to be covered in water. Ironically right before the water started coming in I had chosen just that moment to take out every mask that Deepal and I own (over 40 masks worth over $1200) and lay them on the floor so I could see what we have. That's when the phone call came from Deepal's mother alerting us that it was high tide and the drains were closed (we were already aware that it had been raining heavily for hours), so we looked outside and saw that the parking area was starting to flood. The water still seemed far from the house, and Deepal decided he better move the car to higher ground. Well, in the time it took him to move the car and come back the entire house flooded, and that was when I had a mad race against the encroaching water to pick up everything in the entire house off the floor... including 40+ masks.. Literally I was pulling things toward the center of the room to give me a few more seconds to pick up the laptops, carpets, mattresses, suitcases, boxes, etc that were on the ground. Deepal came back and couldn't believe that the house was covered in water already. But! I did manage to win the race.. and get everything picked up before it got wet. whew. 

Not to be daunted by a few inches of water, Deepal still engages in our everyday activities of cooking and watching t.v.:

The picture might be a little hard to see, but you can see from the reflection of light on the water that the area outside of the apartment building was completely flooded:

    Here is the first video when the water had only recently covered the apartment:    

    When all was said and done we had about 6 inches of water covering our apartment. We had to put or bed and the refrigerator on blocks. We have almost no furniture in the house, so there wasn't much to put on blocks. Also, anytime the front door needed to be opened all the dirt and debris that was up against our door came in, so the water turned a lovely brown color: 

The next morning we awoke to the sound of our neighbors emptying their houses of water with buckets. Scoop, splash, scoop, splash. Obviously Deepal and I were less than excited to go start the process ourselves. Talk about back breaking labor. But, there is a happy ending to this fairy tale. When Deepal and I opened the door to our apartment.... every drop of water was gone. Our fairy godmother magicked it away with a wand! No actually, it all disappeared through the floor. Went straight on down. When the house flooded, 2/3 of the water came through the front door, but the other 1/3 actually seeped up from the ground under the building. But when the drains opened and the water went down, it provided a very convenient exit point for all the water. woo! So all that was left was a bunch of dirt and leaves, but noo water. And we paid a man to come clean up the dirt, so no hard labor here. let's hear another woo: woo!

Wedding Ceremony

          The actual wedding ceremony lasted about 45 - 60 minutes. We came and sat down with the priest right after the procession and our families came in after us.  Hehe, you can see Deepal's immediate family sitting on the right and my family sitting on the left. Ahh, the difference between east and west in this ceremony meant chairs for my family and Deepal's family sitting Indian style on cushions:

The didn't actually have chairs set up for my family at first. It was something I said wayyyy back when they first started planning that should happen, but when we went to sit down nary a chair was in sight. So, we waited while they found chairs for my family to sit in. No way my mother could've handled sitting on the floor in a saree for an hour. Hehe.. her legs stick up like little chicken wings when she tries to sit cross-legged.

P.S. Cross-legged seems to be the most appropriate way to sit. As I have been admonished by Deepal's grandmother more than once for sitting any other way on the floor. ;)

The ceremony begins with the priest saying prayers and Deepal and I offering things into the offering plate. It seems that 90% of the prayers the priests say no one else knows. Or even what comes next in the offerings.

Sometimes Deepal might be the only one who does this physical offering, and I touch his arm, and in this way it is believed that we are both doing the offering. This is quite typical. Offerings are not very personal. Anyone can come along and offer it along with you. Of course, not necessarily in the wedding ceremony, but other ceremonies.

         The fire is a central part of the wedding ceremony. I thought it sounded very exotic and cool that we would have a fire and offer things into it and walk around it. But the main thing about the fire actually ended up being that it gave off a lot of smoke.. right into our eyes. Our eyes started watering immediately and it became difficult to keep them open. I'm really glad the photographer took pictures of Deepal and I before the wedding ceremony because after the smoke from the fire my eyes were red and small for the rest of the day. 

Here is Dipti tying Deepal's scarf to a scarf they draped on me. So now we are symbolically tied together. And we must stay tied together for the rest of the ceremony, all the picture taking afterwards, and then sometime afterwards until Dipti untied us in the hotel room where Deepal's parents were staying as part of a mysterious decorated pot ceremony from the morning pooja that I still don't understand.

p.s. A note on the picture taking... after the ceremony everyone comes up to congratulate the groom and bride and take a picture with them. This process is made twice as long because of the need to allow the videographer to film everyone standing together before the photographer takes the picture. sigh.

The next three pictures are another symbolic action of uniting us. The priest covers our palms in turmeric, they put a coin and a nut in my palm, and then Deepal and I hold hands, and our hands are covered in yellow fabric and tied together. And they stay that way till we finish walking around the fire:

Next come the rounds around the fire. For the first 6 rounds I lead Deepal around the fire:

Walking around the fire is a fun time for all the family. They get to throw flower petals on us... And whole flowers... and the stems... and aim for our faces.. and especially our mouths... ;)

Deepal gets it much worse than I do. Hence his face was mostly in a permanent squint:

My family caught on quickly (and enthusiastically) that the fun was in aiming for our faces:

Just a note that walking around that fire was tricky. We had about 6 inches of space behind the priest to the edge of the platform. And then walking on the cushions gave ample opportunity for tripping, not to mention, do you see the long hem of my saree? Yes, I definitely stepped on it most of the way around...

After the first six rounds we sat down again to speak our vows. Deepal's family anticipated that it was going to be a fun time getting me to speak them so they actually provided a microphone for the occasion, something that is never done typically.

And what kind of vows did I have to say? Well, Deepal translated them into English in the moment and they went something like this: I promise to care for my husband's parents. I promise to keep my husband's secrets. I promise not to cheat on my husband. I promise to obey my husband. Hehe, the last Deepal softened for me at the time because he knew it would offend my feminist sensibilities. So I ended up promising something to the effect of: I promise to listen to you when you are making correct decisions. Hehe.

Deepal also had to speak vows to me, which were different from mine. He promised not to cheat on me, not to get involved in gambling, or prostitution, not to tell my secrets, not to prevent me from practicing my religion, and.. that's all I remember.

After the vows, Deepal led me around the fire once. And boy did the family let him have it.. hehehe.

Here Deepal is putting the Mangan Sutra around my neck. It's a necklace that socially all Indians recognize as meaning that you are now married. It's the equivalent of a marriage ring. Except nowadays married woman wear it when they feel like it and may just as easily go without it.

The black bead necklace with the diamond pendant is the Mangan Sutra. It is a necklace with many different styles. What marks it as a Mangan Sutra are the small black beads.







 


Another symbol of a married woman is a red line in her hairline. Here Deepal is putting one on me with Dipti's help.

Hehe, and here Deepal tries valiantly to get the toe rings on my toes without hurting me.. It must have taken a good 6 -7 minutes to get those on. They were a little small for my toes.

After the ceremony, Deepal and I go and touch the feet of all the family that is older than us, starting with our parents. It a way of asking for and receiving blessings. And it is something that socially we must do whenever we greet or say farewell to any older family member (uncles and aunts and grandparents).

My mom presenting me with gifts of jewelry. Traditionally in very large weddings they would have a table displaying all the gifts being given to the bride. It would be full of jewelry and clothes mostly, but might have large gifts for the house like a television or things for the kitchen as well.

Hehe, even Jean and Mike got their feet touched:

Here is Ma giving out gifts to everyone who came to the wedding. She actually missed most of the ceremony between Deepal and I because she had to do this. No one else could do it for her. And I have to say that I really disagree with the custom. She pretty much missed her son getting officially married.

Yes, yes, the wedding saree looks very pretty. But I have to say, it is not comfortable. First, the saree is lifted and pinned to your hair so that it stays on your head. A woman having her head covered seems to be a traditional religious custom in every religion. So, it's not so bad at first. Then they place a heavy wreath of flowers around your neck which pulls on the saree and draws your head backwards. Then they take another scarf because one head covering is not enough ;) and tie it on tightly with a string. The string has a "crown" on it. You can see it sticking up on the side of my head. Then, not in this picture, but later, they will place a scarf around the other scarf and tie it to the scarf Deepal wears. All this translates into a lot of weight that is pulling your head backwards. Woo! Then have some smoke in your eyes for half an hour and trip your way around a fire with people throwing flowers in your face. ;) And hey! You're married! :)

Part of the wedding ceremony is a funny tradition where the sister/family of the bride steal the shoes of the groom during the ceremony. The bride's family has to steal and hide the shoes while the groom's family does everything possible to prevent them being stolen and/or steal them back. They were too nice to my family though, so they didn't try very hard to stop my sister. They didn't realize how feisty she is. ;) The shoe stealing happens to prevent the groom from leaving with the bride without the groom having to pay to get his shoes back. So here is a picture of my sister and Deepal coming to an agreement on how much he has to pay for his shoes. I believe the total was something like 2000 rupees ($40). In some very fancy weddings they can pay up to any amount, even 10,000 or 20,000 rupees ($200-400). For most of the wedding, my brother had the shoes hidden in the back of his pants. hehe.. At some point it became too uncomfortable, though,  and they hid them in their hotel room.

Wedding Ceremony: Post Procession

This was one of my favorite moments during the wedding. All of this happened just inside the doors of the hall before the ceremony with the priest. And this was all a complete surprise to me. No one mentioned that we were going to do anything like this before the wedding. 

Here Mummy G has come to get me from inside the hall. She's taking me to meet Deepal at the door. But no, there's no surprise for him in the way I look. Not like a western wedding. Deepal was there when I was picking my wedding saree out and he also saw me before the procession started when we took photographs together. I'm glad we took those pictures before the ceremony, though, because afterwards my eyes were all red and small from all the smoke from the fire. ouch.

 Next, we were both given garlands of flowers and we were supposed to put them around each others' necks. P.S. those garlands are pretty heavy. To make it fun, though, each family picks up the bride and groom to make it more difficult to put the garlands on. The idea, I think, is not to give away your son/daughter so easily.

 Here is Deepal being lifted by all his cousins. I am being lifted too, but my family was not as practiced at the procedure so I am considerably lower than he is.

Hehehe, here is my first attempt to get the garland on Deepal, but if you notice how narrow the loop is, then you can imagine what happened: I just smacked him in the face with the garland.. hehehe

Second try, I got closer but still lacked height. It was less of a direct smack to the face. :)

Third time was the charm, but Deepal had already learned to keep his eyes closed while I tried.. :) hehe

Afterwards, the photographer had us stage this photograph. I don't know why. Me smacking Deepal in the face with the garland seems romantic enough to me. ;)

Then it was my turn to be lifted up. This time my family got the hang of it much better, and I had considerable more height. Getting the garland on Deepal would have been much easier from this height. Well, it's not like we had a chance to practice lifting me up while in full ceremonial saree gear. ;)  Deepal is in the process of being lifted up, too.. perhaps he's getting goosed. ;)

Deepal had no trouble getting the garland on me. hmph. Probably because he has long monkey arms. ;)

Then we all entered the hall together to sit at the altar and begin the official wedding ceremony with the priest.

Wedding Ceremony: Procession

    The wedding ceremony traditionally begins with a procession of the groom and his family from wherever they are staying to the marriage hall where the bride and her family are staying. This leads to loud parades on the city streets that often block traffic. But I'm pretty sure they have to have a permit from the city before they start dancing their way through the neighborhood. We had a mini-procession for our wedding because I only had 5 people from my family that were able to attend. This meant that we all stayed in the same location instead of two separate halls, and therefore, Deepal's family processed from the parking lot of the hall to the front entrance. hehe.

     I didn't get to watch any of these proceedings actually because I was supposed to wait in the hall for Deepal to come. So, I get to see these pictures just like you do, without much context. :) 

To start things off, Deepal's mother embraces him, gives him a tikka, and apparently a golden "egg:"
  

Then it's the long walk from the parking lot to the front entrance with much singing and general rejoicing. There's supposed to be dancing, too, but I didn't see any evidence of dancing in the pictures:

Traditionally, the groom is supposed to ride a white horse in the procession. But under the circumstances it didn't make sense. ;)










After about a minute of walking the procession arrives at the front entrance where all of my family is standing and waiting to receive them:

I know what you're thinking: "What a large brown family you have!" Very generously and kindly many of Deepal's family's friends stayed behind to represent my family so that a large happy group would be there to welcome the procession. The symbolism of the tradition made them all quite literally members of my family. 


Here is even one of Deepal's aunts who stayed behind to help welcome the procession, Renu Kaki (dressed in blue and pink). And you can see Deepal's best friends: Sudeep and Sachin who also gladly formed part of my family. That really meant a lot to me.

When the procession reached the bottom of the stairs, Renu Kaki told my mother to shout, "potato salad!" to greet the groom and his family. hehehe :) At least that's what it sounded like to my mother...







  

 Here comes Deepal's family, greeted by joyful shouts of "Potato Salad!" : 

Here is Sachin giving Pa one of the necklaces that Ma painstakingly made before the wedding for my mother to give away.   

This is Bob and Pa making a bridge for Ma and my mom to go under. Can't say I know the meaning behind them doing this.

Then apparently my mom gave Bob a tikka. Again not sure about the significance, but tikkas seem to be a general go-to action at any moment in a ceremony.

Bob and Pa, both with tikkas. Probably Ma gave one to Pa. ?? They are the bridge-makers.











Then my mother gave a saree to Ma.. sort of. ;) "Sort of" because Ma actually picked it out and bought it and had someone give it to my mother to give to Ma. hehe.. Another example of how Deepal's family took care of us and all our traditional obligations in the wedding.

Here Deepal's family and friends lovingly and insistently direct my mother in what she's supposed to do to welcome Deepal and accept him as her son-in-law:

Again, I don't know what the significance of this is, but it does look like everyone was having fun while they made my mother and Deepal do it:

Taking it's symbolism from the master leading the bull to the tether the mother-in-law is supposed to lead her new son-in-law into the hall. There are varying opinions of how she should do this. Some say to lead him by the nose:

Others say to lead him by the scarf: The fact that my mother did both is a testament to how everyone tells you what to do at once and they don't always agree with each other. ;)

I guess he did use the sword for something! I thought it was just a fun prop. ...which I still think it mostly was. ;)  He had to touch the garland seven times before entering. hehehe, and my mother was blissfully ignorant of what was going on behind her. They forgot to tell her to stop, so she just kept pulling on him till they remembered to tell her. Why did he have to touch the garland 7x you ask? 

Well, don't ask Deepal he doesn't know either. : P